I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
