For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You can't just leave with hair like that
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
