i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Alive.
So much puke
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
