We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
