I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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