it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
