When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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