she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
