I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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