Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
