Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
