The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
