Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
