so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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