Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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