he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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