Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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