dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
