It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
