i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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