I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
