Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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