I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
