I heard we made out
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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