Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
