Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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