"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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