Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
sex in a hospital.. check
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
