So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize