Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
