break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize