Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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