Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
