I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize