What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
