the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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