Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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