either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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