i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
