Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
