wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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