Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
