I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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