Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize