It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
