You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
