sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
