my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
