dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
