The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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