Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
