pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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