Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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