You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
