At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
