if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
