I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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