How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
