Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
