so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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