Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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