On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
