I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
