How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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