apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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