I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
