your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
