I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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