I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
