As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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