did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
