3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Randomize
