oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize