woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
