How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
