I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
